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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
*
If
Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.
*
If
Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING
OUT
*
When
the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change
back.
*
When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.
MONEY
*
A man
will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
*
A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale.
BATHROOMS
*
A man
has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
.
*
The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these
items.
ARGUMENTS
*
A woman
has the last word in any argument.
*
Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
FUTURE
*
A woman
worries about the future until she gets a
husband.
*
A man
never worries about the future until he gets a
wife.
SUCCESS
*
A
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
*
A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
*
A woman
marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
*
A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she
does.
DRESSING
UP
*
A woman
will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the
mail.
*
A man
will dress up for weddings and funerals.
*
Men
wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
*
Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
*
Ah,
children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
*
A man
is vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.
THOUGHT FOR THE
DAY
A married man should
forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering
the same thing!
Proof that Men Have
Better Friends.
Friendship among
Women:
A woman didn't come
home one night.. The next morning she told her husband that she had
slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among
Men:
A man didn't come home
one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over
at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he
was still there. |
