Women's Column

Can the Cyber generation get it right?by   ‘Sage’                                                                  

Here I am fast approaching three score and ten, and have probably tried many more times than l should have to navigate the minefields of male/female relationships on my journey through life. Certainly l have packed some wisdom into my luggage of life on the way.

But no one really knows what kind of life we will create for ourselves when we first start to flap our wings on the journey, as relationships can take us on so many detours, even after all our best laid plans . However with opportunities so unlimited for young men and women starting out today, it sometimes makes the choices we had back in our generation now look quite an absurdity?

But some time ago l noticed a Generation Table in a local paper, taken from 1883-1900 to the present  2000-2020, being the ‘Cyber Generation’ still just six years old but certainly facing a incredible world ahead. However, l realized yours truly was in what they were calling the ‘Silent Generation’, 1925-1942 where 90% are retired now and were also called the adaptive generation.

We were adaptive for sure, because we had  to be,  we had grown up in a world that had just given woman the right to vote, then we merged into the next one called the Idealist Generation 1943-1959, this is when women began to enter the employment market in much larger numbers, mainly  because of the fallout of  World War 2 which challenged stereotypes in the workforce.   

Also the Feminist Movement was starting to be loudly heard, dramatically changing the world we lived in, but, I have to say it certainly did not help male/female relationships, as society back then conjured up a feminist as a man hater, but the truth is you can hate sexism but not hate men, sadly ignorance can ruin many things so, regardless of what the following generations have contributed till now, the divorce rate has just kept getting higher and higher, so what is it we can not get right?

 A spiritual part of life has made a very lasting appearance over the last decade and happily it is not at all surprising numerous women and many men too, are now relating to a new deeper profound part of themselves, and finding a calmness and serenity they never had before, but most important, can it also give a much higher understanding to relationships with the opposite sex.  

If we look in our faithful dictionaries at the word ‘understanding’ the meaning declares intelligence and power of apprehension. So surely we have to value and compliment each others views and talents and not alienate them. l feel one of the best things that has happened, was when men were finally allowed and encouraged to witness and take part in the birth of their own children, that experience bought a whole new dimension to their lives as a father, many have said they found it very spiritual, but whatever way it was perceived, it had to be a huge breakthrough in relationships and the responsibilities of fatherhood. 

So whatever future generations can bring, there is no doubt in my mind that true happiness is up to ourselves as individuals working along tolerantly and smartly. Life can come from the fulfillment and gratification of a solid family unit remembering most families are dysfunctional which is all part of the intriguing system we live, and I know many men agree!

There is more to a man than meets the eye…by Aunty Huia.

Sometime ago I decided to stop asking men the age-old, stereotyped question “And what do you do for a living?”  I had realized that it is not just how a man spends his working hours that defines him, it is also what he does when he is not at work that matters and tells us, as women, more about the man.

The first time I ventured to ask to ask “So…what is it you like to do when you’re not working?” I realized I had struck gold. It was clear this man in front of me had a secret passion.  His eyes lit up as he told me how he liked to get on his racing bike and go for kilometres riding around the countryside near his home. Now whilst this might not be every man’s wheel spinner, it certainly engaged this bloke and me in “real” conversation about the things we like to do for ourselves outside of the everyday demands of life.  As he described the feeling of racing along the country roads I reflected my observation of how joyful he seemed as he recalled riding and ventured to ask “It sounds, dare I say it, almost sort of “spiritual” for you?” The conversation paused. I thought I had gone too far. But then he looked at me as if it was a kind of revelation. “Yes” he said. “I hadn’t thought of it like that but I suppose it is what you could call it. It’s pretty close to nature anyway”.

Ever since, I have continued to find out what it is, beyond the all too predictable talk of work, that spins a man’s wheels. Of course sex is up there as the big one and fair enough. Interestingly though, when I’ve dared to ask if sex might also be a kind of  “spiritual” experience the responses have been universal. The answer is yes. Not so much with boozy one-night stands (although a few of those had clearly been golden moments) but for most blokes in a relationship, the act of lovemaking, shagging, bonking, call it what you will, gives most an opportunity to go to some pretty high places.

Those that hike, tramp, climb mountains, go fishing and so-on i.e. engage with nature in some way, were quite aware of this “spiritual” dimension in their leisure time although few had actually named or defined their experiences in this way. And therein probably lies the difference. It would not be seemly in our culture for blokes to be running about saying they had rich “spiritual” experiences on the green during golf for example (although many were vaguely aware of the relaxing aspect to the open spaces of the gold course in spite of the competitive aspect of the game) or driving on the racetrack.It is hard to talk about such moments at the best of times. They are generally experiences which are difficult to define and describe, and often we are only ‘vaguely aware’ that something was going on that we couldn’t quite put a finger on.  

New Age thinking is generally regarded by many men with a degree of suspicion and unless something is scientifically measurable, factual and realistic it tends to be dismissed or marginalized. Unfortunately these experiences of great joy, love and elation are not easy for many men to describe without slipping uncomfortably into what may sound like women’s talk. But there is no doubt that men know these experiences, and it seems that for many men it is their actions  and commitment which display their passions more clearly than words. When talk veers towards the touchy-feely “spiritual” stuff, there’s no shame for blokes in saying “it’s hard to describe,” which, accompanied by the far-off look and the half-smile, speak volumes.  In short, whether or not you find the words, just be confident that there certainly is more to you men than meets the eye.